Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
