Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
