I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize