I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize