Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
