So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
