You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize