He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
