shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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