and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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