based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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