How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
