So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
two words: eviction party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
