halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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