you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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