I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
