I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize