Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
