i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
