my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize