LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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