Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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