He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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