Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize