Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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