She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
as a side note pls kill me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
