i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Randomize
