FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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