sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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