I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize