Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize