my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
