y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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