Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
