I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
