I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
