someone threw a dead crab at me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have aggressive nipples.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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