I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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