yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
