He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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