That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
