About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
