i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
