I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
