the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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