look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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