On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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