did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize