my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
