Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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