I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this will be a night to untag.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
