well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
