you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
