Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
