Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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