Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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