just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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