Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
