I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
