I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
