yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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