How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
