Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
