drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
