If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
