My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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