I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
