DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
