the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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