remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
