My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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