also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize